We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
