just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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