I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Small penises have feelings too.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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