I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
pray to the hookup gods
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize