Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
