The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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