come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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