so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize