Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
