What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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