her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
