remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize