Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
