Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
