I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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