is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
