I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
