How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
