you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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