I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
