I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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