after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
