she woke up with a sticky ear
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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