His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
