Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
