I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
