my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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