I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
