I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
