we're chasing vodka with high fives
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
