Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
