Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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