make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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