Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
