If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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