so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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