Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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