if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
