she woke up with a sticky ear
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
