Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
