you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
