he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We have so much sex to catch up on
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
