I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
