That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
