I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize