Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
