If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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