I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
PANTIES FOUND
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
