she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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