I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
