I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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