I must be too annoying 4 u.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
