If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
