Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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