under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
