he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize