We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
