Are we in a gay sports bar?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hippo gnu deer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
