you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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