so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
