Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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