dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
