I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
