She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
