I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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