She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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