Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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