What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
