Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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