You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will pee on everything he values.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
