Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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