Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize