Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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