i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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