dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
