last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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