2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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