Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize