I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
