Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
