So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
