I wanna passion pit in your ass
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So here I am, sexting at work.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
