I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
