took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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