Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
