This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
