Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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