Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
