Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
