my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
