On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
