The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
