This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
