she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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