You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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