Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
