No awkward lesbian experiences without me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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